You have got to watch all the pictures in this one. Happy Smiling!!!
Helen Keller said...
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.
Checking gas meters...
Checking Meters...
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young
trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked
their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger
coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an
older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last
house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her
what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as
you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
Published May 8, 2000 in The Fax Express
Soap and Water...
We were asked to dinner by a new friend. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were dirty.
“Were these dishes ever washed?” I asked our hostess, as I ran my fingers over the surface.
She replied, “They’re as clean as soap and water could get them.“
I felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating anyway. The meal was delicious, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells:
“Here Soap! Here Water!”
Published May 8, 2000 in The Fax Express
Getting my license
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."
The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man: "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
Published May 8, 2000 in The Fax Express
This is one of those videos that just make you feel good all over!!!!
Sung in a duet with Anne Murray and her daughter Dawn Langstron.
Enjoy!
It's ok! Listen to it over and over like I do! LOL!!!
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. P-i-s-s-y Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one...
13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT!
Sent in by Bill T. Thanks Bill!! (Bill is in hiding. LOL!! )
This was sent in by my good friend Dr. Lilly Srejic. She says that a person can lose 7kg per month doing this. You do not have to watch what you eat, just do not eat or drink anything during the following times.
Try it and send in your comments!!!
***************************************************
TAKE CARE NOT TO EAT OR DRINK ANYTHING, NOR EVEN A WATER, AT:
MONDAY :
1 - 2 AM
8 - 9 AM
3 - 4 PM
10-11 PM
TUESDAY
5 - 6 AM
12 AM - 1 PM
7 - 8 PM
WEDNESDAY
2 - 3 AM
9 -10 AM
4 - 5 PM
11-12 PM
THURSDAY
6 - 7 AM
1 - 2 PM
8 = 9 PM
11-12 PM
FRIDAY
3 - 4 AM
10-11 AM
5 - 6 PM
SATURDAY
0 - 1 AM
7 - 8 AM
2 - 3 PM
9 -10 PM
SUNDAY
4 - 5 AM
11-12 AM
6 - 7 PM
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.
"It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven’s name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks, "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
Sent in by Patrick!
What would you like?
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastires displayed on the trays in the glass case.
When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."
Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
Published May 4, 2000 in The Fax Express
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