Top 10 things that men understand about women...
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Published February 25, 2000 in The Fax Express
"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
A cabbie picks up a Nun...
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.
'
My niece Kellie sent this to me! Thank you Kellie.
Funeral happenings...
The town founder had passed away and the whole town turned out, as did his family who arrived from all over the globe. This threw the mortuary into an uproar. They had some employees doing two or three jobs and others switching jobs to get everything done.
After the chapel services, all the members of the funeral party piled into the different cars for the drive to the cemetary. The procession was very long, and one group of family members, not knowing their way, decided to ask the driver how much further ti would be.
The patriarch tapped the driver on the shoulder, and said "Pardon me..." The driver let out a scream and turned with a grimace of horror to see who had tapped him. In doing so, he drove the car into the ditch and through a farmer's fence, almost overturning the car.
After calming everyone down, the driver somberly explained, "I'm usually driving the hearse."
Published May 11, 2000 in The Fax Express
Life at the airport...
During the "rush hour" at Houston's Hobby Airport, my flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it.
We were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us.
After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as we were settling in, the flight attendant made the following announcement:
"We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington D.C., then you should "deplane" at this time."
A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, "wrong plane."
Published May 11, 2000 in The Fax Express
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