A cabbie picks up a Nun...
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.
'
My niece Kellie sent this to me! Thank you Kellie.
Funeral happenings...
The town founder had passed away and the whole town turned out, as did his family who arrived from all over the globe. This threw the mortuary into an uproar. They had some employees doing two or three jobs and others switching jobs to get everything done.
After the chapel services, all the members of the funeral party piled into the different cars for the drive to the cemetary. The procession was very long, and one group of family members, not knowing their way, decided to ask the driver how much further ti would be.
The patriarch tapped the driver on the shoulder, and said "Pardon me..." The driver let out a scream and turned with a grimace of horror to see who had tapped him. In doing so, he drove the car into the ditch and through a farmer's fence, almost overturning the car.
After calming everyone down, the driver somberly explained, "I'm usually driving the hearse."
Published May 11, 2000 in The Fax Express
Life at the airport...
During the "rush hour" at Houston's Hobby Airport, my flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it.
We were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us.
After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as we were settling in, the flight attendant made the following announcement:
"We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington D.C., then you should "deplane" at this time."
A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, "wrong plane."
Published May 11, 2000 in The Fax Express
You have got to watch all the pictures in this one. Happy Smiling!!!
Helen Keller said...
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.
Checking gas meters...
Checking Meters...
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young
trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked
their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger
coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an
older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last
house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her
what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as
you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
Published May 8, 2000 in The Fax Express
Soap and Water...
We were asked to dinner by a new friend. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were dirty.
“Were these dishes ever washed?” I asked our hostess, as I ran my fingers over the surface.
She replied, “They’re as clean as soap and water could get them.“
I felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating anyway. The meal was delicious, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells:
“Here Soap! Here Water!”
Published May 8, 2000 in The Fax Express
Getting my license
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."
The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man: "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
Published May 8, 2000 in The Fax Express
This is one of those videos that just make you feel good all over!!!!
Sung in a duet with Anne Murray and her daughter Dawn Langstron.
Enjoy!
It's ok! Listen to it over and over like I do! LOL!!!
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. P-i-s-s-y Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one...
13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT!
Sent in by Bill T. Thanks Bill!! (Bill is in hiding. LOL!! )
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