ADPressions

Work on your future, have a vision!

One for the Blondes!!!

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight.  The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.'

This catches the blonde's attention; and, to keep him quiet, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?'

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows.

All to no avail, after one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

Without saying a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

My good friend Bill shared this one with me.  Funny!

OLD WOMAN WHO HAS A BABY

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"

And the mother says, "When the baby cries."

So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it."

Sent to me by my dear friend Branka!  Thank you!

With age, comes wisdom...

A guy is 85 years old and loves to fish.He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,'Pick me up.'He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,'Pick me up.'He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

My friend Patrick sent this one too me.  Thanks Patrick!

Top 10 things that men understand about women...

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Published February 25, 2000 in The Fax Express

"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

A cabbie picks up a Nun...

A cabbie picks up a Nun.  She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. 

He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me.  When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.  I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:  #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says.  'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you  crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned.  I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK.  My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.
'

My niece Kellie sent this to me!  Thank you Kellie.